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ag·o·ny
1. extreme and generally prolonged pain; intense physical or mental suffering.
2. a display or outburst of intense mental or emotional excitement: an agony of joy.
3. the struggle preceding natural death: mortal agony.
4. a violent struggle.
5. (often initial capital letter
) Theology. the sufferings of Christ in the garden of Gethsemane.
Yep. that pretty much sums it all up. Monday, total joy. Tuesday, worry. Wed. agony. Thursday, cried all day. Friday, Sat, Sun, depression. Monday, back to work.
He was here, and once again, we left and came home without him.
agony.
I thought the waiting part was hard. I thought no knowing if we would ever adopt was hard. I thought the letters and homestudy and paperwork and preparations were hard. But this? This is total agony. We were matched! We have a precious little guy fighting in the NICU, waiting to come home. We were there, we held him and kissed him, fed him, changed him, and fell in love with him in about 30 seconds flat. But he's not here yet. I just didn't forsee this or prepare for this kind of agony. I don't feel like answering calls, and I don't feel like explaining to people. I just feel like watching the clock for the days, hours, minutes, and seconds to go by so I can bring him home.
I did find some good news today! The Ronald McDonald house will let me stay there when I decide to go back! $10.oo a night. It's a little far from the hospital, but it's just the kind of news I needed. I guess some people are realistic. They like to look at situations and make sure they are prepared for the worst. Not me. I like to see the possibilities. I truly believe if there is a will, there is a way. There is always a stone unturned, or something hidden you might have missed. My glass will always be half full instead of half empty, and even through all of this, I believe with all my heart that anything is possible. The Bible says that right?
"With God, all things are possible."
A great nurse who was wonderful to us when we were there took a few pictures of Oliver today. She says he is so cute and doing well. Hopefully, he will be home soon. I hope, I hope, I hope...
) Theology. the sufferings of Christ in the garden of Gethsemane.
Yep. that pretty much sums it all up. Monday, total joy. Tuesday, worry. Wed. agony. Thursday, cried all day. Friday, Sat, Sun, depression. Monday, back to work.
He was here, and once again, we left and came home without him.
agony.
I thought the waiting part was hard. I thought no knowing if we would ever adopt was hard. I thought the letters and homestudy and paperwork and preparations were hard. But this? This is total agony. We were matched! We have a precious little guy fighting in the NICU, waiting to come home. We were there, we held him and kissed him, fed him, changed him, and fell in love with him in about 30 seconds flat. But he's not here yet. I just didn't forsee this or prepare for this kind of agony. I don't feel like answering calls, and I don't feel like explaining to people. I just feel like watching the clock for the days, hours, minutes, and seconds to go by so I can bring him home.
I did find some good news today! The Ronald McDonald house will let me stay there when I decide to go back! $10.oo a night. It's a little far from the hospital, but it's just the kind of news I needed. I guess some people are realistic. They like to look at situations and make sure they are prepared for the worst. Not me. I like to see the possibilities. I truly believe if there is a will, there is a way. There is always a stone unturned, or something hidden you might have missed. My glass will always be half full instead of half empty, and even through all of this, I believe with all my heart that anything is possible. The Bible says that right?
"With God, all things are possible."
A great nurse who was wonderful to us when we were there took a few pictures of Oliver today. She says he is so cute and doing well. Hopefully, he will be home soon. I hope, I hope, I hope...
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